we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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