So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
