No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
