I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize