There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
