her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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