I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize