Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
