it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
