next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
