I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
