Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
