just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
