Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize