you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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