Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
