just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
