fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
