You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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