My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
