Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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