y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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