they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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