Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
