i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
