I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
