I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
