i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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