I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
