So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
