if i can run in heels then i can drive
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am midnight drunk by noon
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
