So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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