I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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