He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
