By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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