it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
