I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
