i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
