I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize