I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
