I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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