just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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