Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
do nipples grow back?
Randomize