Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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