Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No subtext here. People are naked.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
