My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
