Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
