Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
