nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
