just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
