Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
