How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
