If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
