Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're like the curious george of whores
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
