did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
