this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
