Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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