I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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