i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
