Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
