sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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