Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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