I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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