Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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