we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
