Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
