he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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